I don’t know what it’s like to have a Peaceful day…
but I’m getting close.
Before things get better, there’s a period where it seems like they can’t get much worse, and I’m crashing into that area at an unprecedented speed. I don’t like disliking people, and it bothers me when people dislike me. Logically, I know I can’t make everyone in the World like me, and logically I know that people could dislike me for a number of reasons. If I shoo someone out of my life, it’s never without careful consideration, or valid reasons, but it still bothers me.
I have just as much right as anyone else to be somewhat happy. To not wake up every day and wonder who’s gunning for me. I’m allowed to make decisions about who I want in my life and who I don’t, and as long as the reasons are real (unlike the person that used me for friendship while her sister wasn’t speaking to her and then gave me a big ‘fuck you’ for nothing), I shouldn’t feel bad or be compelled to explain. I’d like to know what it feels like to wake up and the only immediate thought on my mind is what to have for breakfast, not who said what about me or what I have to defend myself against. Personally I don’t think that’s a lot to ask of life.
